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Single Freshman Excited To Have Finally Booked Chapel For 2025 Wedding

Though UVa student Brittany Harris has not yet held a boy’s hand, much less dated one, she already has UVa’s University Chapel booked for her wedding in the year 2025.

As a current first year pursuing her Mrs. degree, Harris enjoys sipping Starbucks in Nau, getting dirty rushed by sororities, and sitting in Alderman looking confused in hopes that a potential mate will come to her aid while she plans her “upcoming” wedding.

“You have to book these things early,” Harris said. “University Chapel is, like, the prettiest place to get married. I wanted to book it a couple of years ago, but first I had to make sure I actually got to go to UVa.”

When asked about the $200 down payment required to book a wedding, Harris’ response was simple: “My daddy paid for it.”

Booking the Chapel this far in advance is not unheard of. Though, most UVa women who’ve sold their souls to Thomas Jefferson have actually stepped inside the tiny, dingy church that lacks such basic amenities as a bathroom and air conditioning/heat.

“It looks pretty on the outside, so I’m sure the inside is nice too,” Harris claimed, having never actually been inside the Chapel. “Plus, I am only inviting 500 people to the actual wedding, so it doesn’t really need to be big.”

When asked the obvious question–‘What if you don’t meet a guy you want to marry by then?’–she stated she is not “the slightest bit worried.”

“By the year 2025, I will practically be an old lady. At that point, I’ll just have my parents set me up with one of their country club friend’s sons. He might be ugly, but he’ll make good money.”

With a date, a venue, and no fiance, Harris plans to spend the next seven years choosing the wedding dress “of her dreams” to ensure the photos are perfect.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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