Charlottesville, VA—Much buzz is currently circulating around UVA Grounds after a rumor confirmed by the Office of the Dean of Students that “Fall Break” actually isn’t intended for students to break from their studies.
“I had no idea the school expected this of its students,” shares a third year student who asked to remain anonymous, “it’s like, right before midterms they hit us with another block of mandatory study instead of just letting us go home and relax.”
The outrage isn’t concentrated among upperclassmen, either. Widespread disappointment is rampant around the quickly-emptying Grounds as students who found out too late go home to binge on Netflix or jet off on 5-day trips up and down the coast.
When asked about the unexpected backlash from the student body, a spokesman from the Office of the Dean of Students says, “we’re not quite sure why students got the idea that two ‘reading days’ set before the onslaught of midterms would ever be misconstrued as a vacation.”
While Monday, October 3rd and Tuesday, October 4th are termed “reading days” on the official school calendar, students have begun to push back against the sanctioned days for reading, and murmurs about protests set to take place Monday and Tuesday have been heard in academic halls.
“We’ll decide when we read,” boasts a fourth year commerce major, “because this America, and America is a free country.” Students such as this one are banding together to take back their Fall Break, but a select number of students are heeding ODOS’s advice and sticking around Grounds and hitting up Alderman.
“I had heard some of my professors calling Fall Break ‘reading days’ so I decided to do some research,” shares Sarah Birchwood, a first year, “and it turns out that historically, this break at the beginning of October has been for studying and not traveling.”
Birchwood went on to say that in her perusing of the school records she also found that Winter Break isn’t a month long so that students can burn their first semester notebooks all month long for warmth, and Spring Break is intended as an actual break from class, not a drunken trip somewhere warm.
The Black Sheep is still investigating these claims.
This one’s for all of you who’ve been duct taped inside a porta-potty: