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Trinity Releases New Code of Conduct

 

Trinity released an official statement this weekend to announce that they do not have any more room to store lost and forgotten items and cannot be held liable for the irresponsible behavior that goes on inside the establishment. Trinity has hereby created a new code of conduct for all customers. As of Friday, February 5, 2016, you are legally bound to obey the following codes before being permitted to enter Trinity:

No More Coats:

 

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Regardless of how cold this winter weather may be, Trinity just cannot handle the influx of coats into the fine establishment. If you don’t know what an alcohol blanket is yet, then you’re doing college all wrong and should not be allowed out in public anyway. You will be doing everyone a favor by giving Trinity’s “Staff Closet” back to the staff and giving your Facebook posts their dignity back.

 

The Black Sheep’s Recommendation:

 

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Onesies are all the rage these days. Just look at how cool Miley and Ariana look. Onesies are great for staying warm, and apparently for hiding bad talent, too (Not you, Miley. You do you, boo boo).

No More Keys:

 

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You already screwed up by breaking the first rule of the new Trinity code. If you don’t wear a coat, then you won’t have pockets to put anything in, right? Right! Don’t bring anything. You’re going out to have a good time. Who needs cell phones and keys and IDs? Money? Pshh, that’s useless at Trinity. If you follow the new rules, then drinks are free anyways.

 

The Black Sheep’s Recommendation:

 

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Just don’t lock up at all. If someone already got a hold of your lost jacket and debit card, then they won’t even need to worry about going to your apartment.

 

No More Family Members:

 

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What were you thinking taking your mother to Trinity in the first place? Trinity can no longer be held liable for the things your family does and sees while experiencing Charlottesville nightlife for the first time. That poor woman will never un-see the terrors of Trinity’s third floor. Hopefully she got a couple nice coats out of her visit, though.

 

The Black Sheep’s Recommendation:

Yeah, um, just don’t be lame and take your family to Trinity maybe?

No More School-Talk:

 

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Trinity happened to find this student’s GPA points the following morning; however, it was too late and the damage was irreparable. The NSA authorizes Trinity’s new Code of Conduct and agents will now be monitoring conversations that go on throughout the establishment. School talk has officially been banned and anyone found in violation will face criminal charges.

The Black Sheep’s Recommendation:

Trinity is an Irish Pub and Betty White is everyone’s #goals. Follow in her footsteps– stop talking about school and make her dreams of drinking come true. They say GPA doesn’t matter, so blame your alcoholism on your professors when talking to your potential employers in the future.

 

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.

 

 
 

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