The weekend is coming up, and of course your boring ass has no plans to wild out and get rowdy. Thankfully, with the recent opening of Y bar in replacement of Fifth Avenue, you have one less excuse to stay home and smoke a blunt. This new and improved hot spot will surely satisfy all of your needs to get hammered and make your friends stop calling you a loser. Get your ass to Y Bar, especially with these reasons.
6.) There’s no Grotto now:
It’s all history now, move on! The only way to truly over it is to simply walk less than 100 yards over to the Y Bar to drunkenly forget about grotto and spend your time in a more energetic setting. What happens when a frat party gets shut down? Everyone goes next door and rages face there, of course! When one bar closes, move on to the next until your low self-esteem puts you to sleep.
5.) Your friends are too boring to go somewhere actually fun:
It’s about damn time that you get your friends to hop off Fortnite and actually do something cool with their lives, like take part in those lovely College Night drink specials and allow the belligerence to happen. You might not be able to drag your friends to Coachella, but your friendly neighborhood dive is pretty much the same thing.
4.) The Goat fucking sucks:
Are you really going to continue pretending like you dig the vibe and atmosphere of The Goat? If you are, then you are wasting your life away by not going somewhere with a slightly better layout. There are barely any decent deals, the tables are bolted down, and the drinks all have the word “Goat” in them. Hit a new place or you’re only going to make your broke ass more…well, broke!
3.) You can’t afford more drugs:
Your care package containing ramen and cash from mom hasn’t arrived yet so there’s no way you can continue hitting up your favorite Campus Court drug dealers. Your favorite khalifa kush won’t be around to make your ass stay on your couch and avoid society, which grants you the opportunity to get out and experience some good ole, alcohol-enhanced college tomfoolery.
2.) It’s too fucking cold to go any further than West Mich:
The goddamn groundhog decided to see his shadow, which means that your ass won’t be getting any further than West Mich. Ubers will empty your account real fast and your dad’s rusty rear-wheel drive won’t last long in the snow. So, it looks like you’re only leaving Greenwood to possibly attend class, but more likely to slam some brews at the conveniently placed Y Bar.
1.) You’re too damn old for a house party:
You’re not a freshman wandering to numerous house parties, nor are you a goddamn high schooler anymore. That shit is just as bad as overcrowded frat parties. You’re better than that. Stand up for yourself and confidently order from the bar since your horizontal driver’s license solidifies your maturity and shows the ladies that you are classy enough to leave your filthy apartment.
The Y Bar is surely about to become an ultimate game changer for the thousands of wild Broncos out there. Get your ass there, and stop pretending like you have something better to do.
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