House Crawl is this weekend, which means you are going to be drinking A TON of beer. Since the water in Kalamazoo is questionable, your best option is to just wake up and chug a beer to start your day. Drinking a beer the typical way can get boring, so here are a couple different ways to be better than the average Chip…
6). Shower yourself in beer:
Grab a beer, bring it in the shower, and just pour that shit all over you. Don’t be shy, take a pic of your…beer and send it to your friends. Let them know that you aren’t fucking around this House Crawl. You know the drill—see a chug, send a chug!
5). Make those parents proud:
Every so often you will see a rare sighting of parents in a mob of drunken college students. (Don’t forget that they were more fucked up than you during their glory years.) Try to find parents who will tell you they are proud of your chugging skills and look like the kind of parents who would give you a free beer when all is said and done.
4.) See a cop, start a chug:
Make a game out of it. Have a competition with your friends on whoever can chug a beer while taking a selfie in front of a cop. This should be easy since the cops will be bountiful from Campus Court to Bronco Club, but be careful to not be a dumbass while doing this. The last thing you need is an open intox, or worse—getting shit from your friends for months.
3.) Do a body chug:
Just because spring break was a couple weeks ago doesn’t mean you can’t drink like you’re in Florida. Take your damn House Crawl t-shirt off and do a body chug off a horny Bronco! You might be stuck in cold bi-polar Michigan, but there is nothing like tits in your face to make House Crawl extra fun.
2). Do some Jackass shit:
Get your buddies together and come up with the craziest ideas on how to get Natty Light into your mouth. Throw a beer off the roof, hit it with a baseball bat and catch it in your mouth then chug that shit. Be creative and make it fun! Just get drunk first and ideas will start pouring out, just like the beer should.
1.) Be a man, do a keg stand:
If you don’t do a keg stand during House Crawl, then studies show you’re a little bitch. Keg stands usually mean FREE BEER, so why wouldn’t you get on your hands and do a keg stand? This is an easy way to look cool as long as you don’t give up after three seconds like a CMU student.
There are lots of ways to drink a beer, just make sure it finds it’s way to your liver one way or another. This House Crawl will be one for the books so don’t forget to get creative, but most importantly, get drunk!