At some point in everyone’s life, they have dreams of competing in the Olympics and achieving wonders. Unfortunately, most people get back on their bullshit and end up at drinking at Western, and these past few weekends–with the ignorant amount of snow and the ongoing Olympics–have given students the chance to not only escape their boredom but showcase drunken potential for being in the 2022 Olympics. (Yeah, we’ll still be here.) Here are the drunk shenanigans that have been prepping WMU students for potential Olympic gold:
5.) Luge Down the Valley 2 hill while holding a 30 rack:
This drunken activity is widely considered a favorite among the freshman living in the Valleys, mainly for the fact that it literally doesn’t require any skill at all. Students take turns with the luge board and hold onto a few 30 racks in order to keep their balance and ride down the hill faster due to the extra weight… and because it just sounds so much cooler that way. Extra points are often given out to those who use the best kind of beer and for those that don’t vomit after they make it to the bottom of the hill.
4.) Bar hopping but with 50-pound ankle weights:
Just when you thought your balance during your trip to the intoxication station couldn’t get any worse! This activity has been one of the most competitive hobbies in quite some time. The ankle weights indeed serve as an obstacle when trying to have a wild night at Y Bar, but the more you practice and handle yourself, the more likely you’ll enter the Olympics for your supreme talent in balance. Everyone at WMU bar hops every weekend anyway, so why not turn it into a competitive sport!
3.) Beer bottle curling:
You definitely thought that curling was the most unamusing sport in the Winter Olympics, didn’t ya? Well this is how curling lovers find a true passion in it. The concept is simple: you toss a beer bottle down the hall and then your ass starts sweeping. However, before each beer is tossed, the teammate has to chug it as quickly as possible. Broncos improve their sweeping skills so they not only clean up the frat house, but also to show off how badass you are for redefining a not-so-loved Olympic sport. Worst case scenario is that your house will be cleaned after your degenerate ass actually learns how to sweep.
2.) Olympic Everclear torch relay:
Each team gets a half gallon of Everclear and stands in a line on top of the campus whale. You blast the song “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC and drink from the half gal and then pass it down the line for the next person to do the same thing once you hear the word “thunder” in the song. The last person at the end of the line must finish however much is left in the half gal and then run the Olympic torch to the flagpoles to solidify that the WMU Olympic games have begun. Many schools just have a banger as their opening ceremony, but WMU begins it in the most traditional of ways.
1.) Beer pole ski race:
After drinking at least an entire case of beer, the empty cans are to be duct-taped on top of one another to create custom, advertising-friendly ski poles. Students have used this method as a way of perfecting their balance when skiing, which can easily translate to an over-qualifying advantage when competing in the Olympic tryouts. Some schools tend to tape cans together for fun or to play “wizard staffs,” but at WMU it is taken way more seriously and results in a far more intense competition.
This year, the Olympics continues to inspire drunk Western students to do all that they can to reveal their inner talent and potential, even if it involves some liver-damaging circumstances!
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