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We Interviewed Mormon Brothers At Western About Getting Lit

Love them, hate them, don’t be mistaken — Mormons our among us, Broncos. The Black Sheep sat down with Buster’s religious counterparts, Elder Holbrook and Elder Jenson. Here they will discuss religion, life, House Crawl, and, of course, WMU party life.  

The Black SheepAlright, so what is your party experience here at Western? 

Elder Holbrook: None actually — we actually don’t attend Western, we are just full-time missionaries that just come to campus and discuss the word of God and Joseph Smith. 

TBS: What is your idea of a kickass Mormon party?  How do you guys throw down with the homies?  

Holbrook: Yeah great question, so really we just get some people together have some shakes, maybe some sparkling cider, we dance and listen to music and just hangout and have a good time. 

TBS: On that topic, what’s the playlist that you use to get the people going?  

Holbrook: Well I have subs in my car, I like to pump. Definitely clean music, no profanity or drugs, no vulgar language of any kind. We’ve made promises with God, and God wants to show us the way and we don’t want to stray from that path.

TBS: I’ve got a few scenarios for you. Say you guys are at House Crawl and I come up to guys barely able to stand — are you going to take this opportunity to recruit me into your ranks or have I bought my one-way ticket to the hospital with some awkward phone calls to make?  

Holbrook: Well I mean, if we see this person at a low point then we don’t want to take advantage of them, but yes, we will try to show them the path of God and clarity. If they are in bad condition, then we will help them home, but we do have a 9 p.m. curfew so we aren’t very likely to see anything like that happen. 

TBSSay I’ve got a girl that I meet during darty at Campus Court and she takes me to her place and she’s in the mood and I’m in the mood, there’s penetration but we’re both too drunk to finish —am I in trouble?  

Elder Jenson: …… (looks at Elder Holbrook) Yeah, you for sure are in trouble. We try to stay away from any sexual activity until after marriage. Really, any sexual activity is frond upon until after marriage.

Holbrook: Don’t get me wrong, we believe in love and everything — just after marriage.

TBS: While on that topic, on a scale of hugging to full-on sex, where do you guys draw the line? What’s the most I could theoretically get away with?  

Jenson: Well, uh, like we mentioned before, we try to stay away from any sexual contact, so really we just try to stay away from it in general. So just kissing, that’s about all.  

Sure, these guys seemed like really nice guys, but when it come to partying, they act more like the Chips.

This interview and its contents have been condensed and edited for brevity.  


Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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