House Crawl is right around the corner and as usual, every Bronco in Kzoo wants to know exactly what the hell is going on. The fine details of this booze-filled day are normally kept under wraps until the day of, but this year The Black Sheep had the opportunity to get the inside scoop from the head of @WMUSocial. We were already prepared to get hamsauced, but after this interview we’re planning on having the most shitfaced-est crawl ever.
The Black Sheep: When and where is this House Crawl going on this year?
@WMUSocial: April 7. I can’t really give away the addresses just yet, but I can say that it’s all going to be secluded to the Knowllwood neighborhood.
TBS: Alright, who do we have to thank for this event?
WMUS: A lot of people, actually: the city for allowing us to do it, and the Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety [who] were really against it for the first couple of years given 2014 and what happened then. But now they’re taking a step back and kind of letting us do what we’re going to do anyways, only with their help to make it work and everybody’s favor.
TBS: I guess the important thing to know here is: what constitutes good behavior from us?
The big thing is don’t climb trees. It’s pretty dangerous. Don’t throw bottles, don’t climb on people’s cars or break people’s cars or try to walk into people’s apartments. Just, you know, basic stuff that you probably shouldn’t do anyways.
TBS: So let me shoot you a scenario. Let’s say I finish my glass beer in the middle of the road—what should I do with it?
Honestly, we would prefer you just rather throw it on the ground and throw it in the air. We’re gonna have trash cans put out and around houses this year.
TBS: And I know it’s different every year, but is there going to be any kind of drinking minimum enforced? Like will we have to have a certain amount?
I just want to make sure that by the time everybody is ready to leave the event that they can barely walk. By the time you leave, we are going to have probably 12-to-14 staff members that are actually handing out shots. They’ll have WMU social staff shirts on.
TBS: Let’s say you’re in the middle of a crowded place not to close to home suddenly I have to take piss—should I go right there in the street or try to find a spot in the yard?
Ideally… this is what the Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety is going to want me to say, use the bathroom. If not, find a well-secluded bush.
TBS: Can we expect a pretty decent police presence, horseback and everything?
Yes. Especially after St. Patty’s Day cause there was a fight in the courtyard and some cars got damaged. so they will have a stronger police presence, but they’re going to have the usual horse-mounted officers.
TBS: Let’s say I see police horse and it looks very thirsty. Would it be impolite to maybe offer him a beer?
I think I’d be pretty polite, but I’m sure they would have to say no.
TBS: You said no climbing on cars. Does that apply to moving cars or parked cars?
I don’t think I can answer that question cause I almost got arrested last welcome week three times for being on cars.
TBS: For the Baby Broncos are out there—is there an ID required or are we on the honor system?
Basically the honor system. That doesn’t mean that KDPS can’t stop you to check your ID, and if you approach one of our staff and ask for a shot, just know we protect our backs, so we have to ask you for ID.
TBS: In case of warm weather, what would @WMUSocial’s policy be on, let’s say, topless drinking?
Encouraged, but not recommended. It’s a nice thing to have, but you also have to be safe about it.
TBS: Can you give us any kind of inside scoop while I have you here?
Well we’re going to have twice as many DJs as we did last year, and we’re trying to bring in a national talent, but given how crazy House Crawl is, we might not find someone willing to do it. Also, we’re working on having food truck vendors there, one of them being ice cream and Nick’s Gyros.
TBS: Is there anything that you can’t tell us that we’ll just have to wait anxiously to find out?
Oh yes, there’s going to be some day of surprises as always.
TBS: Should everyone take the following day off work just to be safe?
I’d say you should just take it off either way.
This interview was edited and condensed for clarity and brevity.
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