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People You Don’t Want Together on Kalamazoo’s Snap Maps at 3 A.M.

Ever since Snap Maps came out, playfully stalking your friends has been all the rage here at Kalamazoo. Gone are the days of discreet hookups and shameless midnight trips to Two Fellas, and here are the days of constant peer surveillance. It can be fun to watch all your friends’ Bitmojis go to the Grotto on a Wednesday night, but sometimes Kalamazoo’s Snap Maps can reveal something terrifying at 3 a.m.: 

5.) Tim Lester and PJ Fleck at Waldo Stadium:

The father of all traitors at WMU is the last person we want to see back here in Kalamazoo. Minnesota’s PJ has already stolen so much from us, it’s hard to imagine they don’t want to get their grubby little hands on more. Now that Western has a winning record, we shouldn’t be surprised if PJ comes back for more.

4.) Dr. Montgomery and former-President Dunn at the WMU Police station:

It’s hard to say exactly what this could mean. Has WMU been involved in some shady activity? Were the two presidents involved in a passionate love affair gone sour? The possibilities are nearly endless, but we can be certain this wouldn’t be good.

3.) Buster Bronco and the K College Hornet at Shakespeare’s Pub:

There are bar fights all the time in Kalamazoo, but none are as serious as a mascot battle. Mascots represent the wild energy and animalistic spirit of college students, so naturally when two of them go at it, the results can be deadly. After putting back a few tequila shots, Buster could be ready to give a brutal beat down.

2.) The visiting CMU team at your dormitory:

Whether your dorm is under attack, someone in your hall is associating with the enemy, or some weird rival school orgy is about to take place, it’s clear that something is seriously wrong. There’s no telling what type of horrible things could happen if we start letting Chips onto our campus with open arms, so if your snap map reveals this atrocity please alert your RA at once.

1.) Corey Davis with your mother at The Grotto:

It’s no secret that Corey Davis is popular around these parts. It doesn’t matter if your mom is young, old, tall, short, hot, or not, the WMU football superstar will probably charm the pants off her. After just a few dollar beers and some free popcorn, your sweet mother could end up becoming a personal cheerleader for the evening, if not forever.

Snap Maps may seem like good, wholesome, quality fun for the whole family, but there is always more than meets the eye. While you’re enjoying seeing your Bitmoji in a cupcake costume at Waldo Library, there are limitless disturbing, late-night meetups that are just waiting to take place and shock the Snapchat world. Always remember to watch your map for strange ongoings and please Snap responsibly.

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