Lots of crazy shit can happen in a college dorm, but WMU’s Valley 2 is not just any college dorm. This building is home to the most reckless Broncos on campus, and the RAs don’t give any kind of a shit. It’s hard to narrow down all the shit that’s happened in V2, but here are some of the things that seriously fucked you up forever.
6.) Your mom surprising you in the lobby:
Waking up on Sunday morning usually involves fighting a massive hangover and smoking a joint to take the edge off, but a surprise visit from your mom is just as good, right? As if you looking like hell and reeking of booze wasn’t enough, your fra boy neighbors made it that much better by letting your mom know how “smoking fucking hot” she was.
5.) The cops busting up your suitemates’ weed business:
Everyone in Harvey/Garneau and Eicher/Lefevre is on the devil’s lettuce, so it’s usually no big deal. Or that’s what you probably thought until the WMU campus police knocked on the next door with the dogs. While the cops searched through the shared bathroom, you probably scrambled to hide your stash before the cops came to your door. The worst part was the fear of suffering the same fate, along with having to buy pot from the guy all the way over on Lafayette.
4.) Your buddy pissing in the 3rd floor hallway:
You can’t find a floor in Valley 2 without a dorm party going on Saturday night, but some get more lit than others. No one should expect one little bathroom to be enough for a room of drunk freshmen, and going to your neighbor’s is just too much hassle. When you walked out of the hall to see Johnny pissing on the carpet in the open, you were probably disturbed and wore shoes in the hall from then on. But, then again, you weren’t too surprised.
3.) Your roommate banging the chubby RA from upstairs:
The Valley 2 RAs are more laid back than most, but this one takes the cake. Sure, you were proud of your roommate for finally doing what he’s planned on since welcome week, but that was your damn futon! Now every time you see a futon you think of your roommate’s sweaty ass and some very sloppy dorm room lovin’.
2.) Flooding your room with beer:
When everyone is in the room getting hammered, a leaky keg is no big deal at all. The problem is when your drunk neighbor kicks it over right when everyone is leaving to the party and no one notices. Coming home in the middle of the night to your floor covered in warm and foamy Keystone light was horrible, but the worst part was waking in the morning to the smell of Keith Stone’s musty asshole.
1.) Puking in front of the hall director:
Getting hammered in the afternoon and hitting the caf is a common occurrence in Valley 2, but it’s not everyday they serve clam chowder when your sauced on Fireball. The splatter hit a lot of people enjoying lunch, but Director Erin seemed most horrified. However, the letter to your parents and alcohol education class they forced on you were traumatizing as well.
Everyone has crazy memories of the dorms, but some of them still haunt you to your core. Just think: out of all the dumb shit that mentally fucked up you and your friends, even to this day, it could have been worse. Or maybe not; that futon was nasty.
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