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5 Super Efficient Ways to Keep WMU Greek Life from Suspension

With the unfortunate but constant trend of Greek life around America becoming suspended from all activities, Western wishes to remain steady and refrain from any reckless mishaps. While it only takes one pledge to change everything for the worst, Western continues to seek new ways to take somewhat proper precautions. Here are five super efficient ways that are sure to keep WMU Greek life from suspension. 

5.) Have sober parties:
Shockingly, alcohol has played a major role in Greek life suspension. Therefore, the top solution would be to simply remove all alcohol from every banger and everything will be just as much fun! From Sig Tau all the way down to Theta Chi, all Greeks can enjoy themselves without making any drunken mistakes that they may regret. Being sober can eliminate any potential mishaps because remember kids: you don’t need alcohol to have fun! 

4.) Hire adult chaperones: 
Remember in 5th grade when your mom was stoked to be a chaperone for your school camping trip? Well imagine how’s she’s going to feel when you ask her to get her friends together to chaperone a Western Michigan frat party! They’ve all been there before and would certainly have no problem watching over a bunch of rowdy Broncos safely enjoying themselves at a wild Sig Ep toga party. Allow them to be the ones to ask “Who do you know here?” and see which geed doesn’t shit their pants and run back to Valley 2 in tears. 

3.) C’mon, just turn the music down a bit: 
If Kalamazoo cops are driving up and down Fratville and they hear some really loud music coming from one of the houses, then they are bound to shut the party down because, obviously, they weren’t invited. It is the ultimate idea and a stupendous solution that people have yet to actually try out. Turning the music down a bit might actually help reduce the chances of cops showing up to your Flannels and Handles party and shutting it down like they’re purposely trying to destroy all happiness. 

2.) Make the freshmen watch the door: 
One pledge working the door check will certainly not be enough. If there is a whole row of them telling geeds and Chips not to enter, then there will be a higher chance of having a better party without it being ruined by randos getting in. Sure, the pledges usually can’t do anything right, but if they all work together at the door, their combined strength will do the house justice. More guys will allow their confidence to soar so that they won’t give a shit if a dumb GDI happens to know Steve something in Pi Kapp. 

1.) Move the parties to sorority houses: 
Frat houses tend to be quite messy and gross, so why not host them at Bronco srat houses where it is very clean, welcoming, and elegant? Think about it: nothing bad ever seems to happen in sorority houses! Delta Zeta to Alpha Chi Omega are not only well furnished in that you can dance on elevated surfaces, but also often have pianos for some sophisticated jams. The best part is the many beautiful women that would certainly love the idea of having frat guys use their house to wild out. Plus, they have a cleaning lady to take care of the mess! 

With the help of these super efficient tips, the Greek life at Western will succeed at not only becoming a lot safer but also far from getting suspended. Let’s not screw this up so we can still go streaking through the quad! 

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