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7 Things Western Michigan Students Would’ve Brought on the Mayflower

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, most Western Michigan students are starting to get in the holiday spirit. This doesn’t just mean getting stoned and stuffing your face, but also thinking about the holiday tradition. Since kindergarten, we can’t help but think of the pilgrims and their funny hats coming over on the Mayflower for the first Turkey Day. Now, we all wonder how different things would be if the ship was filled with Broncos and hit land at WMU, and, if the Mayflower was a ship full of Broncos, here’s what else would have been on it.

7.) Lots and lots of booze:
This seems like an obvious one, but it’s a Bronco’s first love and there is a reason why the concept of a booze cruise is so loved. In fact, most of the pilgrims that didn’t survive the trip likely just died of boredom. Plus, what is the point of discovering the new world if it’s going to be a sober one?

6.) Our pal, Buster:
If the Mayflower was a ship of full of Broncos, who would be better to lead the way than our beloved Buster. Just like at Waldo Stadium, we need him to pump the rest of us up and lead the charge to victory.

5.) Den pops:
These may just be the best things specific to only Western, so it the Mayflower would be packed with them. For less than a dollar you get all the beverage your bladder can hold and the perfect way to mix and hide liquor.

4.) Our campus art:
From the strange orgy statue to the ugly spray paint rocks, the beautiful art on WMU’s campus is something the Native Americans would want to see. They may not be the most normal artworks, but dammit, they are art.

3.) Two Fellas:
Most Broncos can’t even go a week without wolfing down a First Item or Love Me Tender, so there’s no way we could be a continent away. Just like when your friends from out of town visit, the glory of Two Fellas is something that needs to be shared.

2.) The Grotto:
So this one might be a bit tough, but can you really expect Broncos not to have a decent bar aboard the Mayflower? What would be harder: putting a two story bar on a boat, or crossing the sea without a fun place to drink?

1.) Anything but oars:
Since the departure of the treasonous PJ Fleck, Broncos legally cannot row the boat. That’s gonna make it tough to get across the ocean, but we can still use a propeller or sails or something. Either way, if Broncos get caught rowing a boat, we’ll get slapped with a lawsuit long before Plymouth Rock.

Starting a new life halfway around the world is tough, but doing it like a Bronco would make the whole thing easier. So grab a bottle and buddy, and head for open water. 

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