You might not know this since you’ve been drunk these past two weeks, but IT’S FINALLY MARCH! You know what that means: You’ll be a funnel for booze this entire month because it’s St. Patty’s, the one holiday a year where we get to party for being Irish? Since you are all broke from spring break, here are some cheap must-haves for WMU St. Patty’s Day to get you to last all damn day!
6.) $2 Adderall will make you as quick as a Leprechaun:
“Can’t stop, won’t stop” is this years St. Patty’s motto, and your friend Adderall is going to make that happen for you. The sad truth is you’re getting old, and it’s not easy to drink all day anymore. Yet, if you pop a pill, it will make you feel like you have your liver from high school again. You should be able to snag this little pill for cheap since everyone in college has “ADHD.”
5.) $.65 Den Pops make Bronco’s never stop:
Stop wasting your money on two-liters that you never see again—just get a cheap den pop instead! You can even add green Gatorade to be festive as fuck. Buy a cold den pop, pour half-a-fifth inside and you’ll be set for the day. You could even be a nice person and bring a bunch to your friends; everybody loves a good Den Pop!
4.) $1 tiny green/gold balls around your neck:
You don’t even have to show your tits for these on this holiday! Wearing green can be a hassle, especially if you aren’t a girl who’s been planning her outfit for the last week, so just put on some beads so Chapa Phi girls don’t bitch at you for not wearing green. Worse comes to worst, just steal some off the chick you banged last weekend—odds are, she has enough beads to go around.
3.) $10 pot of gold:
Rainbows are cool, but they don’t appear without a bit of clouds first. Be careful when you smoke, though, because it can either make or break you on these long drinking days. Using green papers gets you bonus points, and pass it along! Drinking all day can be difficult, so it is important to take a break with the random people you just met in the basement of Sig Ep and bond over a bowl.
2.) $1 basic bitch face tattoos:
Usually you get WMU tattoos, but this holiday you get to switch it up and put a four-leaf clover on your face. The best part is when you wake up the next morning and the tat on your face is in worse shape than you! You can make it into a drinking game, too: One face tattoo equals one shot. Just be careful going down Fraternity Village with this game—you might not make it past 11 a.m.
1.) Wrap up that Leprechaun with a $1 condom:
Word on the street is that this holiday is for the lucky ones…keep that wrapper in your back pocket in case you strike gold. Nothing says sexy like a lubricated gold condom on St. Patty’s day…hot! You think leprechauns are quick? Try sperm. To get laid, try wearing a funny t-shirt, like “Kiss Me, I’m Not a Chip” and maybe that’ll help you get to the end of the rainbow!
Being broke sucks, but being drunk doesn’t. So grab those supplies and do what Broncos do best!