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Hey, Yummies—Who the Hell Do You Think You Are?!

There are a lot of Broncos that have been wondering for months what will replace the sketchy Wendy’s on West Michigan Ave. Some dreamed of a Taco Bell, while others wanted another Chick-fil-A in Kalamazoo. But no one could have guessed we’d get the ultimate drunk food place: Yummies. Hey, only one question…who the hell do you think you are, Yummies?

5.) Are you Coney Islands? Cause Coney Islands wants to rip your dog off: 
If it isn’t WMU tailgate season or you aren’t a whore, you haven’t had a hot dog in months. Yet, that is about to change. Since one of the five random options Yummies offers is hot dogs, you’ll soon be able to stuff your face with meat more questionable than the amount of alcohol you actually consumed this past weekend.  

4.) Are you a chicken? Cause Bdubs will pick a fight: 
Fuck Red Bull, because we now have tasty wings right in our own backyard. Shitty wings don’t really exist, so let’s hope this saves us from having to drive to Bdubs. So far, Yummies has given us the impression that they are here for the people, especially to make Western students extra fat…and hopefully for cheap.  

3.) Are you Fazoli’s? If you’re not Fazoli’sWTF is Italian beef?: 
Are we talking Italian beef sandwiches, soup, or just a big old plate of savory beef? This sounds good but maybe just not every weekend. College kids need to keep that dad bod going strong, but if you get a big beef sandwich every time you’re drunk, your college dad bod will turn into an actually one, which isn’t hot.  

2.) Are you Nick’s Gyros? This town isn’t big enough for you and Nick’s Gyros: 
Nick’s Gyros has been just straight chillin’ being the only gyro place within miles, but here comes Yummies to start some beef. Yummies better have the best goddamn gyros on the block because it might not be worth getting hit by a car to just skip over Nick’s, who we already love. Yummies, do you even have fries?  

1.) Are you Let’s Swirl froyo? Because Let’s Swirl is going to give you a swirly:  
Whoever owns Yummies, did you just pick five random foods out of a hat and go with that? Or were you just high? Will there be a Froyo bar or is it just basic shit? This just doesn’t make sense, does the Italian beef go on our Froyo..? We’d appreciate at least a menu of what the hell is going on since our puke is about to be way worse from you.  

Welcome to Kalamazoo, Yummies! Bdubs, Nick’s Gyros, Fazoli’s, and Let’s Swirl froyo might hate your guts since you said fuck it and decided to compete with everybody in town. BUT your drunken Bronco neighbors can’t wait to try whatever the hell you got going on.  



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