Do you find yourself constantly having to endure morning walks home after a night out? Sick of people shamelessly judging you? Well, worry no more! We’re here to help. Follow this guide and learn the best routes for your walk of shame and escape those pesky glares and awkward encounters.
Click on map to enlarge!
Luckily, walk of shames from one dorm to the next are not an uncommon sight to see early in the morning. If you’re a college freshmen, this route is short and relatively painless.
The Southwest Commuter Path was practically made for UW walks of shame — don’t fight us on this. Aside from anyone on a run early in the morning, who are probably weird anyways, this route will provide you with some nice privacy. You can linger on some regrets or wallow in your shame in peace here.
Uh oh, did you find yourself in trouble with the law last night? This route is perfect if you spent some time over at the UW-Madison Police Department and need a quick and discrete route home in the morning. Cut through a few parking lots, hop a fence or two…we already know breaking laws isn’t a problem for you.
The name of the game? Getting you home with minimal sighting. How do you play? Cut through parking lots. This route is best used early in the morning when there is minimal pedestrian traffic.
Walking home from Mifflin the morning after is a far different experience than partying there the night before. Typically, this is a long walk, but you can cut the time in half with this route by walking through a parking lot and getting up close and personal with the Kohl Center.
Want to make the short walk home, but worried you might be seen by the wrong person? Never fear! This route allows for a little stealth and is also quick and easy, much like the person you spent last night with.
This route is perfect if you managed to wake up somewhere on Gilman but need to return to your Southeast dorm ASAP. As long as your departure is early in the morning, these streets shouldn’t be too busy.
If you’ve found yourself over in Lakeshore and are in need of a quick getaway, hopefully you brought shoes you don’t mind getting dirty. This route is ideal if you need to get back to your home on Langdon, but be prepared for a little dirt and some (annoying) morning joggers! On the bright side, you get a nice view of Lake Mendota early in the morning.
This route is perfect if you spent the night getting acquainted with the people of Mendota Court and need to make it back to the Waterfront. Utilizing the parking garage and back alleys will get you safely to Lakelawn Place with slim chances of being spotted. It’s dead ahead to Waterfront. You’re in the home stretch, baby!
Not only does this route provide nice shortcuts with minimal visibility, there’s an added-bonus as well. If you feel like you need to consume some food, and fast, this route takes you straight through the McDonalds parking lot. Grab a breakfast sandwich and curb your hunger, queasiness, and shame all in one!
While a walk of shame does always make for an entertaining story, planning a more strategic route home can save you from running into your super cute English TA while wearing your disheveled clothes from last night and no shoes. With this guide, you’ll be an expert on walks of shame in no time! Now that’s a trophy you can bring home to mom.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame: