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5 Changes Becky Blank Would Make As President of the United States

If you are somehow living under a rock, it’s currently ~election szn~ in the good ol’ U S of A, and the country is desperately searching for a competent leader that can drive positive change and progress until 2020. Many are frustrated with the two leading candidates, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and are searching for another option that might fulfill their wishes. Well, look no further, Badgers – we have an ample candidate right under our noses! That’s right, Chancellor Becky Blank, once a government leader in areas such as the economy, would definitely make the next great President. The Black Sheep has even gotten some of her policy initiatives, and it’s clear that she’s the best choice out there. Here are just some of the changes she’d make to our country:

5.) Chipotle open past 10 p.m:

Becky Blank is truly a woman of the people – she knows her stuff, and her Chipotle initiative is sure to make her more popular. In a survey of UW-Madison students, this was one of the biggest issues cited, so clearly it’s a nationwide concern as well. Blank says that keeping Chipotle open later would drive the economy towards overall exponential growth.

4.) Free mopeds for every athlete nationwide:

One of her more controversial policies, Blank has stated to UW-Madison leaders that she’d like to make college life as easy as possible for Badger athletes by giving them free mopeds, and thinks this policy could be easily adapted to serve the entire nation. Why make the most able citizens of our nation walk everywhere, when they can be compensated for their difficult efforts with a motorized vehicle sure to get them all the guys/ladies? This is just common sense.

3.) Prohibition, round two:

Blank’s most hated policy by far, and this one is sure to lose her some votes. Blank is very adamant about alcohol being served on her campus, especially when that campus is a nation of roughly 318 million people. This woman just does not want you to drink. Sad!

2.) Invest in eagle transportation:

Sure, Becky might want to take all of our alcohol, but she’s also super into eagles and wants to invest the vast majority (89%) of our nation’s budget into study and making a reality out of eagle transportation. The science behind it, she says, is fascinating. “Have you ever seen an eagle?” asked Blank to The Black Sheep reporters. “They’re fucking majestic. Everyone should be able to ride one of those babies wherever they want. That would truly make our country a better place.”

1.) Universal health care:

Who knew?

Everyone loves Becky Blank. But do you love her more than Donald Trump? Or Hillary Clinton? Yes, we did just waste our time asking a question that we already know the answer to. GO OUT AND VOTE NOVEMBER 8TH!

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