If you said you didn’t have a nasty piece of trash in the back of your fridge, you’re either knowingly lying or unaware of what lies deep within the crevices of your ice box.
5.) The mimosa from last Sunday:
Yes, it’s probably still good, though the champagne is flat. And the orange juice probably didn’t pick up too many strange odors and flavors from being left uncovered. So, yes, you can probably still finish it. But, are you going to? No! Not unless you stumble into bed drunk and wake up with an ultra-thirst and sprint to the refrigerator and drink everything in sight…so, probably keep it then, right? What can it hurt?
4.) The 2nd ½ gallon of milk from a Fresh Market coupon:
Does Fresh really think their mailer coupons are helpful? You don’t need that much milk, or 2/$6 pepperoni, or 2/$3 Our Family cookies? Now you’ve got a ½ gallon of sour unopened milk in the back of your fridge that you forgot about. We know you really wanna recycle the jug, but it’s probably better to trash the whole shit-and-works. Unless, you’re single handedly trying to help Walgreens sell out of Febreze.
3.) Halloween Jell-O shots:
Wooh! That party was crazy, right? Obvs not if you still have shots leftover. (Just tell everyone you were so wasted you didn’t even remember to take them out of the fridge.) They’re molding now, and they’re still in there so pick your lazy-ass up and throw them away. We know they’re way in the back and you’ll have to move some yogurt and beer to get to them…Boo hoo! You didn’t even take the time to make them cute with orange peels so we have no sympathy. Get those shitty, moldy, dixie-cup looking, everclear nightmares into the garbage.
2.) Your roommate’s leftover Short Stack bacon & eggs:
Ooooo, this one’s tricky. Because we know it’s really not your problem. Your roommate sounds lazy. But, it’s also taking up precious fridge space. And who really reheats scrambled eggs and bacon…your roommate sounds disgusting. Really they should have just finished it or left it at Short Stack Eatery; their portions are reasonable, too. Your roommate sounds like a wasteful asshole who has never had to work a day in their life. Do what we do. As soon as your roommate puts any leftovers in the fridge, wait 5 seconds, then eat it yourself or throw it away.
1.) Cake from your August birthday:
It’s not sentimental. You get one every year. You shouldn’t unthaw it and eat it next year. You’re 21 anyway; you should have spent that cake money on alcohol. Stop lying to yourself, you just forgot about it. And since we already know your roommate’s a lazy asshole, it’s not as if they will take care of this. It’s been 4 months. The cake’s rock-hard and moldy. Just run it to the outside garbage and act like nothing happened.
Clean your fridge out ya filthy animals!!
If you’re saying you’ve never experienced DADs, well, you’re lying: