Well, this article is coming at a bad time, huh? After the 2nd horseman of the apocalypse that was 2016 (and 2017 by the looks of it), the bar has been set pretty high for anything trying to achieve the status of “fucked up” in the eyes of the general populace. Still though, there’s gotta be some weird things that’ve happened at UW that will make you go, “Wow, I mean, I’ve seen worse, but still.” Right?
6.) Fall 2012 finals got canceled because of a snow storm:
Yes, some of you may even remember that fateful day (why are you still here? Graduate already). December 2012 is infamous for featuring the day that exams almost were but fortunately weren’t. You know very well there was at least one student who passed their class because a 30% chunk of their grade was never evaluated.
5.) Becky Blank worked as the United States Secretary of Commerce under President Barrack Obama:
This chick is hella successful, and we should probably stop giving her so much crap for her attempts to change the biggest party school in the U.S. into a dry campus. She’s from Missouri, she just doesn’t get it. What right does she have to change us? Wow, it is hard to talk about her accomplishments without being mad at her probable hatred for the New Glaurus brewing company. Fucked up, right?
4.) Every fall thousands of drunk students defame the grounds of a historical Civil War army camp:
Fun fact, there was a hospital set up on the grounds of Camp Randall during the Civil War, so it’s likely that many soldiers died on the very grounds that plastered students shout “Eat Shit” and “Fuck You” to one another on. That’s got to make you think, “Wow, that’s kind of fucked up.” For sure, for sure.
3.) They only accept 49% of applicants and the dumb ass sitting next to you in Biology 101 that can’t comprehend the difference between a eukaryote and a prokaryote is somehow part of that 49%:
Eukaryotes are what YOU are. Seriously, how did they get in? They don’t even look rich either, so affluent parental donations are off the table. Do they even know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell? Absolutely disgraceful.
2.) Humanities was designed in the “Brutalist” architectural style:
We all knew Humanities was a brutal place to journey through, but did you know the architectural style it was designed from actually emphasizes this? Fucking weird.
1.) Hillary Clinton visited Gordon’s one time to speak to only a small selection of UW students. The 1% if you will:
For someone who constantly talked about investing in working class people like her empathy-prop/textile worker father, she probably shouldn’t have been so elitist towards the student body. Also, apparently she didn’t even eat anything at Gordon’s. Like, a UW stamped waffle is too good for you, Clinton? Were you just too full from all those Illuminati stamped waffles you had the morning prior?
We hope you at least got one good chuckle out of this list, because it’s all true, and if you think otherwise and try to disprove us on it, we have SOURCES NOW! SOURCES!