The UW campus is anything but a utopia. Shady shit happens here all the time. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t be getting WiscAlerts every weekend about dudes with knives. So if you want to avoid danger and just general chaos, avoid these seven shady areas on campus.
7.) This Alleyway:
Nothing good ever comes out of creepy alleyways. Batman’s parents died in an alley. One of our correspondents contracted syphilis in an alley. Drug deals tend to happen in alleys, right? Right. Stay away from this alleyway Badgers, because this one off the strip between State Street Brats and Red Shed is no exception. It’s bad news.
6.) Prop Department in Vilas Basement:
A most certainly possessed doll and a severed foot on a chain locked in a cage in the basement of one of the most ratchet buildings on campus might sound like the makings of the most lit Friday night of your life. But we’d suggest sticking to your Friday night ritual of pizza rolls and watching that 6 year old episode of Gossip Girl. Unless you hate your legs. Giant Chucky-Wannabe needs one to finish out his collection.
5.) Science Hall at 2 a.m.:
The infamously haunted Science Hall is a place to avoid. It’s commonly known that if you roam the halls of this castle past midnight you’re just asking be haunted by some deceased scientists or whatever happens to exist in that building. You know exactly what you’re getting yourself into and, much like Batman’s parents, deserve no sympathy for the hell you’re willingly walking into.
4.) Memorial Library Stacks:
Rows upon rows of students locked in cages and a shotty-at-best WiFi signal? Sexy. Or creepy. Or both? Yeah, definitely both. Which just kind of makes it sexier, right?
3.) City bar:
Located underground, right next to Madison’s bougiest and most blatant sign of UW athletics-capitalism there is, the Under Armour store, City Bar is just the place to go when you need to escape our society of rules and civility. With no windows and no natural lighting, this place is just screaming shadiness, and not just in regards to the lack of light…
2.) The 80 After Bar Time:
A bus full of belligerent drunk people at 2 a.m.? What a perfect time to do some shady shit. Who’s gonna notice/even remember on a bus full of drunk freshies? The bus driver? They should be paying attention to the road, and if they are paying attention to the shady shit, they’re not going to notice the statue of W.D. Hoard on Henry Mall getting closer and closer until it’s too late and everyone on the bus is dead from careless bus-driving. So you either die doing shady shit or you get away with it. It’s really a win-win.
1.) Memorial Union Construction:
Perpetual construction is always shady. What mafia movie hasn’t featured two crime lords discussing shady, top secret dealings surrounded by half built buildings and a dump truck or two? Just remember your hard hat.
So yeah, avoid these areas if you wanna be safe, or, ya know, use them as the backdrop of your next drug deal or whatever. Users choice.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys…