Well, we are almost mid-March, the madness hasn’t started yet and we are still more than a week away from Spring Break. We’re not saying March is bad… just that it is the most boring month ever. Here’s what the average Badger has been up to besides nothing, proving life in March is just a plastic bag drifting through the wind.
7.) You Bought New Underwear Twice to Avoid Doing Laundry:
No judgement here and no shame. Technically, new underwear is super sanitary, even more-so than when you wash an old pair, right? Honestly, we’re ashamed of our 3 month old pair. You do you Glenn Coco.
6.) You Considered Starting to Watch Better Call Saul, But Started Re-watching Breaking Bad Instead:
A new show at this point in the semester is a big commitment, and if you’re being perfectly honest with yourself, sequels and spin-offs are never quite as good. Plus, with Breaking Bad you already know the basic plot, so you can do homework and stuff during it—or just binge for 3 weeks again. Remember when Mr. White fucked up that guys face real good? Lol.
5.) You Woke Up at 9 a.m. For Your 8:50 Class, Said ‘Fuck It,’ And Decided to Nap Until 2:
As if the mirror weren’t a daily reminder that you’re a lazy asshole, now you’re sleeping for more than 12 hours a night. Probably nothing new to March, but appearing in any class before noon has become a huge win for you. Not like you deserve a trophy or anything, but if someone wanted to give you one you aren’t going to say no, are we right? That’d just be rude.
4.) You’ve Been Humming the Same 10 Notes for a Week, But Still Haven’t Figured out That it’s “No Diggity”:
Don’t you just hate that? And now all your roommates and co-workers are humming it too—and it’s just killing you, because they know the song and you can’t ask because you’d sound stupid by this point! Just keep going now; we’re sure you’ll figure out this 1996 classic soon. Unless, of course, you’re a freshman, because then you weren’t even born when it came out.
3.) You Were Proud of Yourself for Causing Minimal Ruckus While Waking up Your Foot in Class:
Uh-oh, your foot’s asleep. Should you move it now, or wait the 20 minutes until class is over so it’s really numb? …But then all the kids will try to rush past you to get out and you’ll end up rolling in the aisle in pain. Better take care of it now. Ahhh, much better. Oh, shit, it’s all needley now! Just be cool, everyone’s staring at you!
2.) While Cleaning the Sides of Your Shoes, You Licked One to See if it Tasted Like Salt. It Didn’t.:
Why not? They throw salt on the snowy street; it would only make sense that your shoe now tastes like it. It’s like when you smell a baby to see if it pooped. We’re not saying it’s a good idea, but it has to be done.
1.) You Switched to Reading the Gemini Horoscope, Because Virgo Just Wasn’t Doing it For Ya:
Fuck the Virgos man; March is not their month. You’ve recently heard that one of the Gemini twins is evil, and while you’re not sure how to ensure that that’s the twin you are, the best place to start is definitely reading the horoscope. With that lunar eclipse coming up the 14th you really can’t be too careful. Maybe you’ll be able to trick the planets into believing you’re actually a Gemini, or trick yourself into believing any of astrology actually matters.