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Badgers Plan To Cancel Youth Scrimmage To Ensure They Won’t Be, Like, Totally Destroyed By 12 Year-Olds

With the less than stellar start to the football season, the timely bye week gave the Badgers an opportunity to plan a recovery. To prevent getting absolutely shit-rocked by a group of 6th graders, the team has decided to cancel their annual youth scrimmage event.

“They’re scared, plain and simple,” said youth coach, Stew Hardo. “And to be honest, I don’t blame them, we’re building something special over here at Midway Elementary.”

Despite only ever playing in four organized sporting events, the confidence level in beating up on Bucky as well as the team was seen to be rather high amongst the youngsters.

“I can touch net now, so a jump ball against these sorry DBs would be easier than multiplication tables,” boasted first team all-school district wide out, Chase Ramis.

“Yeah they look like a bunch of buttheads to me, I think we would win by like a hundred trillion million points,” added offensive lineman Kenny Peters.

The move really doesn’t come as much of a surprise after being shocked by missionary-loving BYU, and narrowly escaping against Iowa, a loss to Madison’s little rascals would just about finish the season and certainly increase the state’s binge drinking percentage tenfold.

Coach Chyrst declined to comment when asked about the reasoning for the cancelation but was heard angrily muttering as he walked away, “Fucking prepubescent primadonnas couldn’t shut down the turnover chain.”

Perhaps the bye week drama will give the Badgers the spark it needs to reach its championship level potential as they look to bounce back this week against Nebreska.

As for the what is next for this youthful squad, it is unknown. However, when asked about his expectations for the season going forward, star running back Doug Mandel confidently replied with “your mom.”

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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