Are you one of the 1 in 5 Americans suffering from hindsight bias after this election? Did you think Hillary had it all tied up? Did you trust the media again? Would friends say you’re like Lisa Loeb and ‘only hear what you want to?’
If you answered Yes, that means you jumped-the-gun and branded yourself with a President Hillary Clinton tattoo. There’s no need to worry though, because we found a super-duper deal for you! Once you stop uncontrollably crying yourself to sleep and actually get out of bed—maybe by Thanksgiving?—walk your ass down to Colt’s Timeless Tattoo. It’s right off of State on Francis. You know that house/business that looks like some type of drug front. Just kidding, that operation got moved down to the old Cousin’s Subs location next to Union South.
For November and December only (possibly January too, depending on how tight that bitch Denial’s hold on you is) Hillary tattoo removal is half the price with the same great pain you’d expect from a quality tattoo removal. If you are worried about scarring they also offer free consultations on cover-up tattoos featuring Donald Driver or Scrappy-Doo.
Colt’s Timeless Tattoo’s uses only the most up-to-date, precision lasers. These are the same exact lasers used by Megan Fox for hair removal before she became irrelevant. Also, it’s a nephew laser to the frickin lasers on the frickin sharks’ heads in Austin Powers Goldmember.
Colt’s Timeless Tattoo is 100% confidential! They won’t tell all of your hardcore conservative relatives who you voted for… though they should already know. They also won’t tell your roommate that you regret your drunken night together and also had your half of the matching Chinese character for friendship removed. Speaking of, Colt’s also offers a 2nd tattoo removal for the same half price discount when you stop in to declare that unfortunately you’re no longer with her.
If you can’t look at your arm, shin or ass (well that’s normal, most people can’t look at their ass without a mirror) without thinking, “I’ve made a huge mistake,” get down to Colt’s today. Then you’ll be able to hold your head high when less than two months from now the other half of American’s are saying, “We’ve made a huge mistake.”
In 2020, go for something a little less permanent: