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Freshman Sprinting Everywhere Must Have Really Misinterpreted What Rush Week Means

Over this last week as prospective fraternity and sorority members have gone through UW Rush week, one freshman Colin James, misinterpreted what ‘Rush week’ is and has since been literally running around campus in his best attempt to earn a bid.

With this, a shock wave of disappointment took over campus, taking no more than a few days of class for the student body to lose complete faith in this year’s freshmen class.

“Yeah I was just walking to my lecture, when out of nowhere this runt of freshman whipped past me almost knocking me to my knees,” said confused junior, John Clarus.

Where confusion quickly turned to disappointment is when it was discovered why an eager James was getting his cardio in.

“Craziest part is, the next lecture rolls around and sure as shit the little bugger does it again. Just absolutely hauling ass to a lecture that starts in 20 minutes.This time yelling behind him, ‘sorry it’s rush week.’”

When confronted about his hurriedness, James was still relatively confused about what he was doing wrong.

“I don’t know man, I just really want to be in a frat,” James started, very out of breath. “If that means that I have to run around everywhere gettin’ all sweaty then goddammit I’ll do it!”

To James’ credit, his total blockheadedness has him doing all the right things to avoid the freshman fifteen, so at least he’s got that going for him.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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