Reports have surfaced from the Florida basketball program that head coach Mike White woke up to a little “gift” left on his doorstep from Wisconsin head coach Greg Gard. The gift? Dozens of tiny alligator carcasses Gard had apparently been hunting this past week.
“I know hunting is big in Wisconsin, but this is something else—most of the bodies were fully intact, plenty of meat still on their bones,” Mike White told reporters, staring off into the distance. “This wasn’t an animal hunting for prey, these were pleasure kills.”
Coach Gard couldn’t be reached for comment, but reports state he’s been spotted in White’s neighborhood throughout the past week, digging holes and badgering White’s neighbors.
“I wouldn’t say coach is badger-like,” Nigel Hayes told reporters. “He just takes his badger pride like, super seriously. And if it gets into the heads of our opponents, then I’m all for it.”
“It isn’t the meticulously arranged quantity of young gators that freaks me out,” Florida point guard Chris Chiozza said, frightfully looking over his shoulder. “That’s some pyscho shit, to do that. Like, does he think we’re all alligators? Does he think he’s actually a badger? Since when were badgers capable of murdering a gator? I feel like I’m going to look over to Wisconsin’s sideline and Coach Gard’s going to lick his lips, picturing my skin added to his collection.”
Whether Coach Gard’s tactics will work this Friday or not, you can sure bet he’s shaken the Florida basketball team which will hopefully provide enough of a distraction to secure another win for the Badgers.
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