It is no secret that when Freakfest rolls around, MadTown goes ham. It is also no surprise that all the hotels will be booked Freakfest weekend. And, the crappiest of all, it is no surprise that there is a strict “no guests allowed” policy in the dorms during this fabulous time. However, like every other rule, there are ways around it. Follow these simple steps, and you and your friends who cannot bear to stay another day at No Name University will be able to sleep on your questionable futon in peace.
Step one: Get on your House Fellow’s good side.
If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to be a good ass-kisser. Help your ho fo sho—or simply ho fo—get everyone to go to the next floor meeting, clean the bathrooms after another ratchet weekend on your floor, constantly smile and ask how his/her day is going when you see them, and don’t ever get written up—in fact, help them write others up so you look like an angel. This will probably make the rest of your floor hate you, but you got to do what you got to do sometimes. And if all of these seem to be utterly impossible to you, the one thing that will automatically put you on a RA’s good side is to be silent the moment quiet hours strike. Shut your door, turn off your lights, and don’t say a word—ho fos love the quiet ones.
Step two: Get a fake Wiscard for all your friends
This process is very similar to obtaining a fake ID for the bars. If you are willing to spend big bucks, you it can’t go wrong.
Here are your options:
a) Find some graphic design major person to Photoshop a picture of your friend’s face onto a generic Wiscard layout or,
b) Bribe an upper classman who doesn’t use their Wiscard for anything to let you use it if they look similar to your friend.
You will need this because on Friday and Saturday night of the Halloween weekend, ho fos become bouncers and ask for identification in order to be able to enter the dorms. It’s like your dorm has been turned into a bar for a night, and there is always the unfortunate chance that you will get denied for not being a resident.
Step three: Make sure your friends come early on Friday
The ho fos don’t become bouncers until like 4 or 5pm on Friday, so your friends can stay locked in your room until night approaches. *Note: friends cannot emerge from your room after 5pm because if anyone see someone they don’t know, your friends will be sleeping on the curb with homeless man Bob.
Step four: Have a plan on how to get them back into your resident hall
You’re on your own for this one. If you are even able to get to step 4, you should be able to think of something. Good luck Badger!
Halloween is pretty sweet here, and if you let your Badger-wanna-be friends down, your night will be eventful in a whole different way. More than likely, you don’t want your first memory of Halloween in Madison to consist of you and your friends dressed up as Teletubbies sleeping outside in the bitter cold.
If steps one through four fail at any point during Halloween, The Black Sheep is not liable. We just write this stuff. We never said we tried it.