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Partying to be Added to Wisconsin Idea After UW Voted Top Party School

 

 

Well Badgers, we made it. All that hard work finally paid off. All those nights of alcohol infused sweat perspiring from your body was not for naught, as UW-Madison has finally received the crowning achievement of the Top Ranked Party School in the Nation after a decade of being a mere runner-up. And to honor such a feat, The Wisconsin Idea is being altered to match our newest achievement.

 

While Madison is fairly used to being ranked number one in things, this award marks a special era for UW which is why Chancellor Blank and Governor Walker have set aside their differences and come together to update the Wisconsin Idea to include partying into the prestigious proclamation.

 

“I may be mortal enemies with my fellow colleague Becky, but ya know, the students are who they are, and we’ve both realized that we are simply mortals,” the Wisconsin Governor explained to The Black Sheep. “Who are we to deny these students their true identities? We can suppress them, bury their self-destructive tendencies under countless prestigious academic awards and recognition, but it doesn’t change the fact that these students could drink an entire elephant under the table. And why would we want to hide that? That’s pretty impressive if you ask me. An entire elephant! Those things are huge!”

 

We reached out to Becky for a statement as well, and she was incredibly happy to oblige. “I feel like I should first of all thank you guys [The Black Sheep] for being one of the enablers of our campus party culture,” Becky told us. “I know I’ve had a stick up my ass about alcohol on campus before, but we’ve finally been ranked the top party school in the nation. In the nation! We’re not even ranked that high on Forbes list of top colleges. We’re 69 dude! I say take what you can get, and the students have proven that our love for alcohol is one of our greatest strengths, so let’s swing that as a win for us! On Wisconsin!”

 

The changing of the Wisconsin Idea will take place on top of Bascom Hill on August 30th at 10 a.m. Following the change and signing of the new Wisconsin Idea will be tailgating, complete with brats catered from the Wisconsin Union and 25 kegs full of Spotted Cow, courtesy of your tuition dollars and the hard earned money of Wisconsin’s taxpayers.

 

Bucky is planning to make a special appearance sporting his new, improved look of a crown of empty Spotted Cow bottles and handles of Jack Daniels taped to his hands, which Bucky’s publicist has informed us, “will not impair his ability to perform push-ups at football games.”  

 

The party starts August 30th at 10 a.m. on top of Bascom Hill. So enjoy a nice shower beer and head over bright and early, it’s expected to be lit.

 

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