The Mifflin Street Block Party is just around the corner, and if you live on Mifflin Street, it’s time to start prepping. Living on Mifflin means hosting a party is not an option, and even if you try not to, some drunkard will wander through your door anyway. So you better get ready.
Step One: Schedule Yourself Off of Work the Next Morning
You are going to be so hungover. There is no way you’ll be making it to your job. You may as well take off now and avoid getting fired. There will be some level of damage done to your house which you’ll have to pay for, so having an income is about to be crucial.
Step Two: Make a Facebook Event
Time to log-on to Facebook and create your event. You and your roommates are going to want to invite everyone you know: your great aunt from Ohio, that foreign exchange student from high school, the ex that slept with your best friend. Invite them all! 90% of the people at your party you’ll never have seen before, so having a familiar face will be a relief. Also, give your event a kick-ass name. This can be one of the hardest parts of planning your party. Your party’s title has to reference some important pop culture event and be witty and funny all at the same time.
Step Three: Create Your Playlist
The music you play will set the tone for the party. You’re going to want a good mix, a little Kanye, mixed with some Chance, and topped off with a few songs by Kendrick. This way there will be something for everyone. Throw in some Ed Sheeran to keep the ladies happy. The more times they all run together screaming, “OH MY GOD THIS IS MY JAM,” the better the party, even though the actual moment of that is quite unpleasant. And do not forget the Madison classics, although if your house is really old, we’d avoid “Jump Around,” just to be safe.
Step Four: Barricade Your Bedroom
If you choose to ignore this, someone will probably have sex in your bed, or if you’re lucky they will just puke on it and steal your computer. Lock it up, folks.
Step Five: ALL THE BOOZE
Order your kegs, get your Burnett’s, and hide the good stuff up in that room you just barricaded! You don’t want some drunken girl you’ve never met before taking the craft beer you bought for a special occasion and using it for flip cup.
Step Six: Pray to the Deity of Your Choosing for No Rain!
If you were at Mifflin last year, you remember the sloppy-slushy-shit-show that it was (or maybe you don’t). Although we all go no matter what, Mifflin is better when the sun is shining, the grills are grilling, and the police are in a good mood. Grumpy police means no pictures in cuffs! (Bonus tip: It’s fun to have a friend send these to unwitting parents.)
Step Seven: Party With No Regrets
This will be hard to do, however, we have a secret for you. If you drink enough, you won’t remember all the stupid shit you did the day before anyway. And, if you drink too much your one responsible roommate will have the aftermath cleaned up before you even get out of bed. Win-win!
Alright Mifflinites, there you have it! Everything you need to know about throwing a kick-ass Mifflin party! Let’s all come together on April 29th and have the biggest, trashiest, sloppiest, and all-around best college party of the century!
Like booze before noon? So do these guys: