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In Response to Budget Cuts, UW Dining Halls Take On Corporate Sponsorship

Education budget cuts are never an easy thing. Reducing the resources available to our education system can have a negative impact on teachers and students alike. It’s no different at UW-Madison, where proposed cuts in government funding have many worried about the school’s future. However, the university has come up with a creative new plan to cut spending and perhaps even create a profit this semester.

In a press release, UW Chancellor, Rebecca Blank, stated, “Budget cuts are a real concern at the university. Between our decreased funding and the $15 million, three-story parking garage we’re constructing for the football team’s mopeds, our federal money is being stretched pretty thin.”

Blank went on to discuss the university’s new plan to resolve the budget issue once and for all. “We realized that the university is spending a large amount of money each year on fresh, healthy food for our dining halls,” she said. “We know from experience that college kids eat garbage-foods with no regard for their own health, so that seemed like a waste. The idea for corporate sponsorships came up and it was a natural evolution from there. So, without any further ado, I’m proud to officially announce the McDonald’s Dining Hall Project ™!”

That’s right, Badgers, starting next semester you’ll be able to enjoy the fried, salty goodness of a McDonald’s meal without having to change out of your pajamas! The new UW McDonald’s Dining Hall Project™ will replace all the food currently available at every UW dining hall with classic McDonald’s menu items. Out with the omelets, in with the McGriddles. According to projections by the university, this sponsorship will not only cover the UW food budget, but could also end up bringing in a profit for the school by the end of the year.

“We’re very excited about this new partnership,” said McDonald’s spokesperson, Jason Rock. “This is a win-win situation for everyone involved, and we’re proud to be bringing nutrition to the best and brightest our nation has to offer.”

McDonald’s also announced that they would be unveiling a few UW-themed menu items to be sold exclusively at McDonald’s Dining Halls. These include the Bucky Meal™ (a Happy Meal that comes with a Bucky Badger action figure) and the Bucky Burger™ (a premium burger made with fresh badger meat). The project will also introduce a new mascot fusion named “Ronald McBucky,” which appears almost identical to the Bucky Badger mascot but sporting a red wig and a red and yellow striped shirt.

Student reactions to the dining hall project announcement have been somewhat mixed. “I think it’s a great idea,” said UW junior Mark Shepherd. “It seems like a clever way for the university to make money and cut costs elsewhere. As a poor college student, I don’t really give a crap what I eat as long as it’s cheap. I’d eat a ball of lard for lunch if I could get it for free.”

“Personally, I hate the idea,” said UW freshman Carmen Winters. “As a vegan, I’m pretty sure there’s almost nothing on the McDonald’s menu that I can even eat. I guess I’m going to have to figure out how to survive next semester on side salads and ketchup packets.”

Regardless of student reactions, Rebecca Blank says that more corporate sponsorships may be in the works. “Depending on the success of this project, we may launch even more campaigns like this one. Who knows? Maybe next year I’ll be the chancellor of the ‘University of Wisconsin-Madison brought to you by Lemon Pledge’? We’re keeping our options open.”

Like booze before noon? So do these guys:

 

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