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Badgers Play Every Card in Book to Pull Off Win Against Hokies

It’s official: the Badgers have beaten Virginia Tech, punching their ticket to the round of 32. In a game laden with testosterone (we’re looking at you, Zach LeDay), the Badgers handed the Hokies a ten-point loss. Many Badgers shined tonight, but most notably was Bronson Koenig with a career-high of 28 points and Wisconsin NCAA tournament record with eight three-pointers.

In a post-game interview, Koenig revealed his secret for success: “After much prayer and consideration, I have decided to retire from Tinder. It has not been easy, but my teammates and family have been there for me every step of the way. Also, Nigel took my phone away. Tonight, I can finally see the positive impact that my abstinence has made.”

Regardless of the reason, Koenig had a fantastic performance and we can all hope that he continues this streak against Villanova on Saturday.

Other possible contributions came from Coach Greg Gard who was spotted reading The Gold Standard: Building a World-Class Team, written by Duke’s coach, Mike Krzyzewski, for a majority of the first half.

UW assistant Coach, Lamont Paris, explained Gard’s odd behavior to The Black Sheep: “Following the loss to Michigan it became evident that Gard needed to change his coaching strategies. To be honest, I was hoping that he’d bring back some of Bo’s coaching techniques. So, imagine my surprise and indignation when I see Coach Gard paging through Coach Fucking K’s book at tip-off. I had to repeatedly remind Greg that it was inappropriate for our guys to trip the Hokies. Whatever. I’m just glad that we pulled off the W.” As usual, bench correspondent Matt Ferris had his own perspective to offer: “I am happy we won, but to me, winning Catan is even more important. To tell you the truth, if Wisconsin had a competitive Catan team, I’d most definitely hang up my jersey for good and dedicate my future endeavors to becoming the ultimate settler.”

The Badgers will take on Villanova on Saturday. While this is going to be a difficult game, it is important to remember the Badgers’ tournament history. In 2000, the Badgers were seeded eighth and eventually made their first appearance in the Final Four. Regardless of the outcome Saturday night, we can all be extremely grateful for the senior class’ tremendous accomplishments, on the court and on Tinder. On, Wisconsin!

 

 

WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair:

 

 
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