November in Wisconsin is the first month of the year where the harsh reality of winter sets in. Wisconsin prides itself on having all four seasons, and like Wisconsinites drinking after a Packer win, it’s not half assed. Being on a college campus heightens all of these seasons: you don’t know summer until you’re immobile in your dorm room twin bed from heat exhaustion, and you don’t know winter until you can’t feel your face until it thaws out 15 minutes after walking to your chemistry lecture.
The reactions to these extreme highs and extreme lows can be separated into two groups: the Sconnies (OGs) and the Coasties. Here’s our breakdown of the thoughts that go on in each’s head as the temp drops. Only the strong will survive.
60 º F
In the transition from fall to winter in Wisco, it’s not unheard of to get an abnormally nice day. When these days occur, Coasties are rushing to their closets to get their fashionable sweaters they’ve been waiting to break out. Meanwhile, Sconnies are still wearing their summer clothes, knowing they won’t be able to throw that shit on for another seven months. Both groups are enjoying the weather, yet having an internal struggle over global warming.
40 º F
This is when Coasties break out the $900 Canada Goose because… fashion? When it comes to fashion for Sconnie men, they have the morning ritual where they debate wearing jeans, but then decide nah, basketball shorts will probably do. Strutting around in their geese-enabled-technology jackets, Coasties are thinking to themselves that is whole Wisconsin winter thing isn’t so bad after all.
20 º F
This is when the reality of winter sets in for Coasties. Dorothy realizes she’s not in Southern California anymore. At this temperature, even the stylish Coasties decide that fashion is out the window, and surviving the walk around campus in 17 layers is more important. At this temp, Sconnies know it isn’t the worst it can get quite yet, so they’re opting for the sweatshirt and North Face fleece combo. Sconnie top tip: the best jacket is a drunk jacket.
0 º F
Coasties are now feeling personally victimized by Wisconsin winter and are questioning whether the Night King lives somewhere on the frozen campus. Frozen tundra was not a fucking joke. Sconnie’s are texting their moms, thinking it’s about time they grab their winter jacket from home.
-20 º F (with wind chill)
At this temperature, Coasties are officially fed the fuck up. They’re ready for winter break to come so they can rid themselves of this Arctic parallel universe of a state. Coasties aren’t the only ones resentful towards the glacial temperatures though, Sconnies too can admit that this whole winter thing is pretty fucked up.
Whichever you identify as, we can all agree winter is a pretty miserable season. The time when your dreams of a 4.0 die, you have to give yourself a mirror pep talk before going out, and when you realize some of your family members have pretty garbage political views. It’s only November, folks! It only gets worse from here.
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