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REPORT: SERF Reconstruction Thwarts UW Students’ Biannual Trip to Gym

Halfway through August the beloved Southeast Recreational Facility on Dayton Street was closed for business. The nearly $100,000 project will last through 2020, and will produce an impressive new building UW is calling “the future of recreation and wellness.” However, not everyone is thrilled about what they will do in the meantime. In the weeks since its closure, dormant students are in a panic over where they’ll go when they feel especially lazy twice a semester.

The SERF is undoubtedly the most used recreational building on campus, mainly due to its convenient location in the southeast neighborhood. With the closure of the centralized SERF, students are left wondering where they’ll go to “play hard” and “get fit,” as the Rec Sports motto promises.

UW Rec Sports has given students two main options of different locations to exercise at while the SERF is closed: First, the Nat, which is a considerably sized building but is tragically located. The Nat is far as hell away, located closer to the UW hospital than Bascom, which is only convenient if you’re living in the Lakeshore dorms (a problem within itself).

Then there’s Ogg Hall, primarily a residence hall, which is located right next door to the old SERF, but is too small to fit the 6,000 people who would otherwise “totally” visit the SERF on a daily basis.

“I didn’t ever really go to the SERF while it was open,” junior Mary Davis told reporters, “but now I don’t even have the option. I don’t think it’s fair.”

Davis is not alone; many others are angry and confused over the SERF closure. One of these students is Davis’ roommate, Jessica Crandall, who has her own thoughts on the situation. “I get the new SERF will be like, better,” she said, “but I won’t be here in 2020 so I won’t even benefit from it. This is a waste of my time.”

When probed about their workout routines, both Davis and Crandall were in agreement about the best ways to get fit.

“I like to go on the elliptical for like fifteen, and then do some ab work,” proclaimed Crandall. “It’s all about maintenance – I don’t want to exert myself too hard, but I also don’t want to get fat.”

Davis concurred, “So true. I like to limit my workouts to half a Vampire Diaries episode.” Davis continued, “Now that the SERF is gone, I feel like I can’t get in a good workout anymore. The only thing worse than going to the gym, is going to a new gym.”

All in all, the SERF’s closure is vexing for most students who aren’t dedicated to the workout grind. For those procrastinators who already had a tough time getting out of bed to exercise, this is devastating news.

Tony Evers, a sophomore in high school from Waunakee, and a prospective UW student says, “The new workout place will be awesome! I’m so excited!”

And to that, students graduating in 2020 and prior collectively say, “Fuck you, Tony.”

Why not Naruto Run instead of work out, everyone else is doing it!

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