Sure, hooking up on a bed, couch, or the occasional shower is great. But you have your whole life to hook up on a bed, couch, or in the shower. You’re young, you’re in the dating clusterfuck that is college. If there’s such a thing as “an appropriate time” to get it on in a place where doing so is “socially unacceptable,” now is the time do it—literally.
Thankfully, UW and downtown are filled with phenomenal and innovative hookup spots to keep things hot, heated, and entirely inappropriate. What’s that? Nothing is coming to mind? Not to worry, we’ve compiled a list of the most sextastic places to bone:
A UW-Madison classic, this list would not be complete without mentioning the stacks. Nothing is sexier than being thrashed up against a rigid bookshelf when things start get hot and heavy. “Ow! That hurt—Uh, I meant, ohhhh yeah. That bookshelf feels sooo good.” Although, the one upside to hooking up in the stacks, is the almost proper seclusion that it provides. Unlike other places in this list, the risk of being seen is not nearly as great. But if you’re a big prude and don’t like being watched then… maybe don’t hook up in the stacks… Moving on.
The Roof of Agriculture Hall:
It is no secret that climbing to the roof of Ag Hall in the middle of the night is a rite of passage, but having sex on top on top of Ag Hall? That is in a category all its own. If you’re afraid of heights, the climb to the top will feel treacherous. But, it will be worth the journey, because few things are more enjoyable than getting naked on a dirty rooftop surrounded by the empty beer cans of those who came before you. Comfort level? 0. The view? 10/10.
What’s more iconic than taking a picture on Abe’s lap the day of graduation? Hooking up behind the base of Abe’s statue, that’s what. Feeling creative? Have sex on top of Abe—it’d put your athleticism to the test. If that doesn’t sound appealing, not to worry. You can also opt to hook up on the grass (or snow, depending on the season). Neither are comfortable, but shhhh… that’ll be our little secret.
The Waterfront Rooftop Pool:
Campus owned locations not exactly striking your fancy? Thankfully, Waterfront Apartments has provided the students of campus with a rooftop pool to satisfy our varying aquatic needs. Having a little trouble getting it in? Forget lube, just use the saltwater infinity pool located above some of Madison’s finest apartments to your advantage.
Memorial Union is a place full of hidden corners and ballrooms. There’s a different place to hook up every day of the week in that mysterious building. See if you can find them all!
Of course, this is not a full list of all the places one can hook up on campus, nor is this a list that one should actually follow. Here at The Black Sheep, we enjoy fucking with people. If you catch our drift.
Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to the Year in Review episode of our podcast!