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A Step by Step of the Mental Breakdown You Have While Walking Up Bascom Hill

There is nothing more depressing than scheduling classes for next semester and finding out that you have a lecture in Bascom Hall. It may be a staple of UW-Madison, is one of the prettiest buildings on campus, and supplies a great view of the Capitol, but walking up the hill to get there is treacherous. After the first time you walk up Bascom Hill, you vow to never do it again. In the end, though, you always miss the bus and are forced to trek up the hill anyway, each time your thoughts looking a little something like this: 

Initial Thought (approaching the hill):
It doesn’t look that bad from this angle; I’m just being dramatic, it will be fine. The previous 73 times up the hill were just flukes. Everyone else walking up the hill seems to be doing just fine. Ha, let’s go Bascom, bring it on.

First Few Steps Up Hill:
Okay, so this angle makes the hill look a lot worse. It’s fine though; this can be my workout for the day. I’ll be killing two birds with one stone!

One-Third of the Way Up:
Oh. My. God. I can’t breath. It must be the change in elevation. This hill is so steep, whose idea was it to put important shit at the top of this hill? Crap, don’t let the people see your struggle. Keep your head down and push onward!

Halfway Up:
Okay. I’m dying. This was a bad idea; I should have just gotten up early and taken the bus. I am so stupid. 

A Few Steps Past Halfway:
What if I just stop and pretend to tie my shoe so I can catch my breath? No one will know my true motive, right? Or what if I just turn around right now and act like I forgot my notebook? I could just glide back down this hill and they’d be none the wiser.

A Few More Steps:

Two-Thirds of the Way to the Top:
No, I have to go to class…I have an exam next week. But seriously, it is hot out here. Is it inappropriate if I take off my shirt right now? I mean, I know it’s 30 degrees outside but good Lord I am sweating profusely!

 Almost to the Top, but Not Quite:
Yep. This is it. This is how I die. My vision is blurry, I think I’m dehydrated. God, why is it like a million degrees out here? It’s November!

At the Top of the Hill:
I made it *takes deep breath* barely. Damn, I am out of shape. Let me quick pretend to take a Snapchat of Abe and the view of the Capitol until my body temperature goes back to normal.

Sittin Down in Lecture:
Oh great, the person next to me definitely took the bus. Their cheeks aren’t rosy and they don’t have beads of sweat rolling down their face…awkward. And now they’re crinkling their nose in disgust, awesome. Yes I know that I need to shower again because I just walked up Bascom, thank you very much.

Five Minutes into Lecture:
I can’t even stand the smell of myself right now. I’m taking the bus next time. It has been decided.

Walking up Bascom doesn’t get better. Ever. It just doesn’t. Save yourself the trouble and just take the 80. And while you do, listen to our podcast!

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