You’re probably thinking “no one tells me where to eat cake!” WRONG. After numerous studies, years of late night research, 122 student interviews and the loss of a dear friend, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of the 10 places on campus where your cake will not only taste better, but will also have the ideal moist-to-dryness ratio.
8.) Lathrop Hall:
Health always comes first, because if you don’t have your health, then you’re probably dead. Too bad exercising sucks, right? Thank goodness for dancing! It’s a great way to break a sweat and stay in shape. Lathrop is home to the UW dance department and there’s nothing those guys and girls crave more than a nice piece of cake after a long day of twerking.
7.) Bascom Hill:
Wow, what a great place to eat cake! It’s a high traffic hub and all passersby will be more envious than when Gretchen beat them out for Homecoming Queen and got to ride in a high-end Nissan in the parade. Make sure to be there during passing time and hopefully a mass riot leading to a log roll will ensue.
6.) Next to this tree at Nancy Nicholas while that girl way in back there watches you:
“Wow!” She’ll say, “I’m more envious than when Gretchen beat them out for Homecoming Queen and got to ride in a high-end Nissan in the parade.” It’s amazing how likable and gorgeous people named Gretchen all over the U.S. are.
5.) Next to this person’s Scooter:
They just left it sitting out… what were you supposed to do? Have a little respect and brush the crumbs off though.
4.) Lorch Street
What? Might as well be called Lunch Street after you finish off a whole cake there Matilda style. Plus, it’s a whole street so you can just walk it off… or vomit. Player’s choice.
3.) The drain behind Ingraham:
This is a great little cake eating spot. Just imagine you and the drain as one. It’ll be a very zen, liberating experience. And it makes for easy clean up, you sloppy S.O.B.
2.) Grainger Atrium Ceiling:
There are always way too many people crowding up the floor space to really savor all the flavors that cake has to offer. We played hard-ball with the producers of Mary Poppins so we now have the secret to ceiling floating without the hassle of being chimney sweep certified.
1.) The bakery on State:
This is the best place to eat cake, but be careful it’s also pretty sketchy. They’ve been known to serve undercooked Cake.
Now that you know the best places to eat cake, go eat some cake!
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016