Amid rampant reports of sexual assault and misogyny in the Republican Nominee, Donald Trump’s past brings another damning revelation. Bucky the Badger told The Black Sheep this morning that he too, has been groped and catcalled by the business magnate.
“It was after the LSU game, the first game of the season. It was one of the biggest upsets of my lifetime, it should have been a great night. Trump may lie about plenty of things, but I’ll tell you…when he says he moves on his victims ‘like a bitch’, he tells the truth. One minute I was minding my own business, popping champagne to celebrate the win (as badgers do), next thing I know he’s got his hand under my tail. He grabbed me by my Billy Bush! By the way Mr. Trump, who does that? There should never be ‘grabbing’ down there, that’s just not how it works,” he confessed, amidst gentle sobbing.
Other mascots have come forward as well after Bucky’s courageous statement.
The Syracuse Orange faced a similar fate. “He said I was juicy and succulent, that he wanted to take a bite out of me. He tried to pick me up, but there’s no way his little hands could hold a full sized orange, so he kept dropping me. It really hurt.”
Speaker of the house and Wisconsin representative Paul Ryan made a statement in response to these claims. “It was one thing when our party’s nominee was talking like the average Joe in a locker room, or simply sexually assaulting women…these things I can live with. However, I cannot allow the most honorable representative of state of Wisconsin to pay the price for Mr. Trump’s malevolent ways. You DO NOT mess with Bucky the Badger. You come at the badger and you better not miss, because now you’ve made an enemy of Paul Ryan.”
Paul Ryan’s office later clarified that he does still support the party’s nominee for president, but would like to focus on down-ballot races for the remaining days until the election. They also added: “Just don’t ask, okay?”
When questioned about these comments, Trump had this to say: “Trust me, I have the most respect for Badgers and mascots, more than anyone. Nobody has more respect for mascots than me. Especially not Hillary Clinton! Man, you won’t believe the things she’s done to oranges. Back in 1982 she bought her first orange juicer, she would absolutely go to town on those poor oranges, we have recordings of her actually laughing maniacally while doing it, we really do. And y’know what? I’ve got the great-great-great-great-great grandson of one of those oranges, a wonderful orange, here with me right now. A disgrace what that woman did.”
Trump continued: “Barrack Hussein Obama (who was not not not not born in or out of the continental United States) is very weak on mascots. I will be very strong on mascots. Very strong.”
Why are sorority girls so addicted to Pumpkin Spice Lattes? Let’s have a look: