MADISON, Wisc. – The UW Basket Weaving team is predicting campus-wide attention after the Men’s Basketball team lost in the March Madness NCAA Tournament.
“It’s about gosh darn time that we get the attention we deserve,” Team Captain, Perrywinkle Norberts, said Saturday afternoon. “Those basketball boys are always ‘shooting some b-ball outside the school, well guess what Badgers, we too, are chillin’ out, maxing, relaxing, all cool.”
Apparently, the team has been overshadowed by the men’s basketball team since their formation in 2015.
“It’s that Bronson Koenig guy’s penis photo, I tell ya. Has the whole town talking about it. Not that I’ve seen it or anything. Mom won’t let me surf the internet unsupervised,” Norberts said.
Established in 2015, the team formed while two friends were hanging from Bascom Hill’s flagpole by their underwear. It is in honor of this historical event that the team uniform requires all athletes to wear a pair of Fruit of the Loom briefs on the outside of their clothes every day.
“It’s a badge of honor, really. Besides all of us being virgins, there really was no other way to show our unity. The underwear is perfect,” Thomas Peterson, second-year member, stated. “Plus, the chicks dig it,” he added after his mother left the bedroom.
Currently made up of seven athletes, the Basket Weaving team competes against the nation’s top nursing homes. Members of the team anticipate a high turnout for their match against the St. James Home for the Blind this Saturday. “Those old hags sure are tough competition! They’ll pop those fake teeth out and take a swing or two if you get too close. Just ask Benson, last fall one of those old codgers fell asleep at the wheel of his scooter chair and pinned me— mid-weave!”,Margaret Coopers, Co-Captain, said.
A longtime opponent of the UW Basket Weavers, Eunice Ainsworth, 98, said, “Them Basket Weaving boys? Wait, what’s my name? … Vote Trump!”
In anticipation of increased basket weaving demand on campus, the team will be holding a pocket protector fundraiser this weekend on Bascom Hill.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys: