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UW Majors Renamed to Fit What They Actually Are

Choosing a major is one of the most important things you do in college. This one choice can put you on a career path that will potentially last for the rest of your life. However, with so many majors to choose from, it can be difficult to even figure out what some of them mean. Does anyone actually know the difference between agronomy, botany, and horticulture? It gets confusing! To help you out, here are some of the less common majors offered at UW-Madison renamed to give a better idea of what they really mean.

Cartography and Geographic Information Systems – Google Maps Driver Training:
Let’s face it, there’s not much left to do for cartographers these days. The heyday of map-making was about 500 years ago, and until California breaks along the San Andreas Fault and drifts off into the ocean, we’re pretty much all set. The only real cartography that goes on today is done on the street level by the Google Maps car drivers. Thanks to their hard work, millions of people can figure out critical information like how to navigate the Walmart parking garage without leaving the comfort of their homes. Godspeed, you brave souls.

Community and Nonprofit Leadership – How to Make Money by Not Making Money:
Charity is a great thing. Donating something out of the goodness of your own heart (and substantial tax benefits) is one of the greatest things we can do as human beings. But why donate to a charity when you can run a charity and get paid for it too?! You can get a paycheck and alleviate your crushing first-world guilt at the same time! Everybody wins, especially when you cloud where certain funds are going and siphon a little extra off for yourself. 

Interior Architecture – Your Friends Will Ask You to Help Remodel Their Bathroom
“Hey there! How have you been? I just wanted to ask a quick favor. The wife and I are doing some renovations this summer and we weren’t sure what kind of tile we should use on the walls of the master bathroom. You do this kind of stuff for a living, right? I’m so bad at all this design and décor stuff. Do you think you could swing by sometime today and give a it a look? Oh really? That’s great! What a relief! Can you imagine if we actually had to pay someone to help us redecorate? Good thing we know you, right?”

Plant Breeding and Plant Genetics – Develop the Newest, Dankest Strain of OG Kush:
The field of genetic plant engineering is fascinating. Genetic engineering can lead to bigger crop yields, better tasting food, and even a sustainable way to feed the entire world. But we all know where the real money is: marijuana, weed, the wacky tobacky, the devil’s lettuce. Whatever you want to call it, there’s a whole lot of cash to be made in the marijuana business. If you can get paid to develop the new strain of Kush that sends a California stoner to Xanadu, go for it!

Personal Finance – Learn What to do With Money if You Had Any:
Personal finance majors must be some of the most frustrated people in college. Imagine learning everyday about what to do with your money, how to spend it, how to make it grow. And then you write that tuition check to the university and realize that none of this information will be useful for you for at least another five years when you can pay off your student debt. Such cruel irony. In the words of the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, “Money, money everywhere, / nor any cent to spend on anything other than tuition.”

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