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UW Students Blame Minnesota Gophers for Extended Winter

Today in Madison, Wis. it’s expected to get above 50 degrees– a feat that the state has barely reached since springtime commenced in March. For most Wisconsinites it’s not an unusual occurrence to have near-freezing temps and occasional snow flurries in early April, but it’s usually accompanied by spurts of sunshine and soggy grass. Not this year.

Some students on the UW campus think that it’s longtime rival, the University of Minnesota, who should take the blame for the extended winter.

“I saw that little mascot of theirs pop out of its hole a few months back and see his stupid shadow. I know who’s to blame,” says UW chemistry major, Scott Brunswick.

He’s not alone, either. A taskforce has been started on campus to discuss and strategize it’s next moves against the attack. The taskforce, Badgers Boycott Shadows’, bio suggests that on February 2, Minnesota’s mascot, Goldie the Gopher, popped his head out of his hole and saw his shadow, indicating six more weeks of winter– but that it was an action after the shadow-spotting that hit UW hard, with an additional five weeks of winter.

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“We believe that Goldie used a well-known curse against our school while peering out from his hole that judgment day,” said President of BBS, Susie Bradford. “‘Druc eseehc,’ is the curse we believe he used, which is just cheese curd backwards, but it’s damn effective.”

Bradford says a curse like that hasn’t been used since the Blizzard of 2011. The group’s mission statement says they aim to get February 2 removed from the calendar, “just like the last three days of the month,” to help prevent judgement day from coming in any future years.

There are also many critics of the Badgers Boycott Shadows movement.

“I’m glad students are taking action for something they’re passionate about,” said UW professor of zoology, Roy Wilson. “It’s just pretty clear that they’re getting groundhogs and gophers confused, which is a real bummer.”

Other members of the UW student body are also skeptical of the group’s beliefs and mission.

“I stopped believing in weather curses a long time ago,” said Max Fredrickson in between bites of his Gordon’s burrito. “And look, I’m from New York. If the Gophers truly cursed anyone, it was my folks back home with all of those Nor’Easterners.”

Neither Gophie the Gopher nor the University of Minnesota responded to our requests to comment on the accusations.


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