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7 of the “Greatest Finds” at UW, Inspired by Trump’s “Greatest” Healthcare

President Trump has deemed his Obamacare-replacement plan “The World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan.” The bill, proposed on March 7th, is projected to result in 24 million people losing health insurance across the country. In celebration of our great president’s great healthcare plan, we thought it’d be a great time to show off some of the things at UW-Madison that are just as great.

7.) “The World’s Greatest Dirty Pile of Snow That Won’t Melt Because It’s on the Shady Side of a Building”:

Just like Trumpcare, this little pile of snow is not giving up despite the odds. No matter how many warm days we have this snow pile is hanging on to depress us all.

6.) “The World’s Greatest Bent Up Paper Clip”:

It can be found sitting on a rickety wooden table in a first-floor classroom in Humanities. Often, the professor who teaches in the room fiddles with it and wonders if she should just quit now and find a job at a private university. At one point in time, this very paper clip held together six… wait for it… TEEN sheets of 30% post-consumer recycled copy paper.

5.) “The World’s Greatest Crumpled Up Piece of Paper with Nothing Written on It”:

This magnificent artifact can be found alone at the bottom of a recycling bin in a T.A.’s office in the Social Sciences Building. It was on this paper that one T.A. intended to outline his thesis. Lucky for all of us, he got nowhere. Imagine if the world were missing this gem!

4.) “The World’s Greatest Stick Covered with Mud while Simultaneously Sticking Out of Mud”:

Found near Observatory Dr, it is unknown under what conditions the stick was positioned here. Although, it is estimated that the stick has been buried for approximately three and a half hours and will not make it through the night situated like that. We can only hope that’s how long Trumpcare will “stick” around. (ha)

3.) “The World’s Greatest Coffee Cup that Someone Used, Set Down, and Forgot”:

If you find yourself on the 5th floor of 21 N. Park, then you’re probably dealing with HR. On the upside, you could encounter this life-altering relic. One day, someone sitting in the same waiting chair that you are finally had their name called. In their excitement, they got up, leaving this poor little coffee cup to fend for itself. For all of us getting the shaft by the new healthcare bill, remember this coffee cup and his bravery.

2.) “The World’s Greatest Pen that Has Been Chewed to Bits”:

If you happen to be wandering through Van Hise you might be lucky enough to come across this treasure. Every country on earth has a pen in it, but this pen is certainly the world’s greatest. It’s got scratches all over it, some that even poke you. Even more so, the ink has completely dried up, which means it will write approximately 24 million less words than a functioning pen. What could be greater?

1.) “The World’s Greatest Hunk of Gum Jammed Underneath a Chair”:

What’s better than a chewed-up hunk of gum? When you stumble upon said wad of gum under a chair you are sitting on. Just imagine the saliva that could be on it, and let’s not forget all the germs. Hopefully you have insurance so you can deal with the mono you probably caught from accidentally touching it.

UW is filled with “The World’s Greatest Stuff,” and if you’re wondering how to tell if you’ve come across one of “The World’s Greatest Things,” you probably have, ’cause apparently you can just slap that title on anything.

 

WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair:

 

 
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